It is with the saddest heart that we must pass on the following news.

Please join us in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and
complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 81.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.
Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the
Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch.

The gravesite was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy
and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was
kneaded.

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his late life was filled  with
turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his
dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he
still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John Dough and
Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his
elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.